<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Trust by DD_Madara</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28693746">Trust</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DD_Madara/pseuds/DD_Madara'>DD_Madara</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angel &amp; Human Interactions, Angelic Possession (Supernatural), Castiel's True Form (Supernatural), Consensual Possession, Gen, Panic Attacks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:55:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,739</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28693746</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DD_Madara/pseuds/DD_Madara</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jimmy Novak's body disintegrates and Castiel needs a new vessel - immediately.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel &amp; Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Trust</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is the first fanfiction I wrote in English and it's not my native language.<br/>It's proofread (if you see this - thank you so much again!) but if you discover any mistakes don't hesitate to point them out, please.<br/>I really want to learn and improve my English.<br/>But every other comment is also very welcome ;)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>„I can’t do this.“ Even to himself he sounded weak.<br/>
He felt like he couldn’t breathe and get enough oxygen into his lungs.<br/>
„You don’t have to, Sam“ Castiel answered calmly and reached out to put his hand on Sam’s arm.<br/>
But he stopped himself mid-motion just a few inches short of touching Sam, who doesn’t even noticed.<br/>
„I do…“ Sam said and tried to calm down his breathing. „We need your skills more than mine and Dean… He can’t. Not after Michael.”<br/>
He deliberately left out his own experiences with Lucifer. His experiences with Gadreel.<br/>
Sam had been possessed by an angel twice. He still has nightmares about both times frequently.<br/>
„I can find another vessel“ Castiel tried again. His voice was calm and collected enough to give Sam an anchor to hold on to.<br/>
He shook his head. „There is no time for that…“<br/>
Sam knew what he had to do. And it was Castiel.</p><p>Castiel wouldn’t take control over his body and kill his friends.<br/>
Castiel wouldn’t do something that would harm him. There were no things Sam was more sure of than this.<br/>
But nonetheless, the thought of letting Castiel take over his body scared the hell out of him.</p><p>„Does it… What does it feel like?“ Sam asked before Castiel had the chance to say something.<br/>
For a few moments Castiel watched him like he had heard the unspoken words. Maybe he had.<br/>
„I won’t hurt you. I won’t do something against your will“ Castiel promised. To hear these words spoken felt like it was easier to breathe.<br/>
“I have to take control but only for a few seconds. After that you will be in full control again.”<br/>
“Okay…” Sam nodded slowly and took a deep breath. Then he repeated, „Okay…“</p><p>„Ready?“ Castiel made sure and Sam wondered where he got his patience from.<br/>
Jimmy's body was disintegrating rapidly and nothing Cass did could stop the process. Time was running from them and Castiel was nothing but calm to make sure Sam felt a little bit better.<br/>
And Sam felt bad that he was thankful his brother wasn’t there. Dean would already have pushed them to do something.<br/>
Or he’d have forced Castiel to take him as a vessel.</p><p>„I’m ready.“ Sam looked Castiel in the eyes and nodded. He clenched his hands into fists.<br/>
But he wasn’t as sure as he had sounded.<br/>
The eyes of Castiel – Jimmy – started to glow bright blue and Sam thought he would be sick, because of what was going to happen.<br/>
After a few moments the glow of Castiel’s vessel was so bright that it started to hurt Sam’s eyes, but he didn’t dare to close them. Then, however, he heard – or felt – the words “Close your eyes” and followed the order immediately. He knew what the true form of an angel could do to human eyes.<br/>
The light was bright enough to shine through his closed eyes lids. Heat surrounded Sam and he feared he would burn.<br/>
Memories from the cage came to his mind and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. But he already said ‘yes’. He already gave his permission and now he was defenseless.<br/>
Heat seemed to sink into his skin, while the light that surrounded him started to fade. His breathing faltered and his hands stopped shaking.<br/>
He wasn’t in control anymore.<br/>
The last time he had killed Kevin. Besides Dean no one he knew was in the area.<br/>
He felt sick and like he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe. Angels didn’t have to and Sam wasn’t in control anymore.</p><p>„Breathe, Sam. Slowly in and out.“<br/>
Suddenly he was on a stony beach with the rush of the sea in his ears and the wind blowing off the water. And he wasn’t alone.<br/>
A few meters away stood a figure that seemed to be somewhat out of grasp for Sam’s mind. It emitted a soft glow and after a few moments Sam recognized a huge pair of wings and too many heads. The rest of the figure was still hazy like the memory of a dream.<br/>
„Cass…?“, he asked, even if he had no idea how it could be someone or something else. But Castiel never appeared less like a human to him than in that moment.<br/>
One of the heads was already looking into Sam’s direction and now the other heads turned towards him as well.<br/>
For only a second he fought the urge to run. “Where are we?” he asked then.<br/>
„This place is from one of my memories“, Castiel said.<br/>
His voice sounded like it came from all directions at once. “You had a panic attack.”</p><p>Sam looked to the churning sea that was just as gray as the stones on the beach and the clouds in the sky.  “It feels real” he said quietly and took a deep breath. He could smell the salt in the air.<br/>
„It was… 385 million years ago“ Castiel answered and took a few steps in Sam’s direction. Sam had to look up to him and wasn’t sure which head he should look in the eyes. He decided to focus on the one in the middle with vaguely human proportions.<br/>
„I’m sorry“ he said.<br/>
„Why do you apologize?“ Two heads tilted to one side and if Sam still had doubts about who he was talking to… Now they were wiped out.<br/>
Sam had no real answer for him and shook his head. “You need permission to take over someone’s body. I think I made it difficult.”<br/>
„I was prepared“ Castiel admitted. “And we are both okay. You will be.”<br/>
Sam nodded slowly and took a look around, not yet ready to face the reality where he gave an angel permission to take control over his body.<br/>
Even if it was Castiel. Even if he trusted Castiel.</p><p>„Is that your true form?” he asked instead and looked up at Castiel’s many heads.<br/>
Cass pulled his wings closer to his back as if he wanted to hide them, then he nodded with one head. “What a human mind can comprehend of it, yes.”<br/>
Sam huffed amused. „I don’t think I can really comprehend what I see. It’s all fuzzy.“<br/>
Castiel made a deep humming sound that could mean anything, while Sam gave him another once over.<br/>
He was a little shocked about how much he thought about Castiel as a human or at least human like. But in reality he was something entirely else. He was an angel.<br/>
An angel who had seen the whole history of mankind and many other things. They were in a memory of Castiel’s that was more than three hundred million years old.  He felt dizzy, thinking about that timespan alone.<br/>
„Cass, I…“ Sam started but didn’t know how to finish his sentence.</p><p>What did Castiel see in him? He was human. Nonetheless a human who was tainted by demon blood. What qualified him for the friendship of a being like Castiel?<br/>
Sam took a deep breath and collected himself. “I think I’m alright. And thank you… for your friendship. We don’t tell you often enough.“<br/>
The faint glow of Castiel’s figure brightened for a moment. And even if Sam couldn’t see them, he could hear the rustle of feathers. Some of his heads bowed in a very human display of self-consciousness.<br/>
„You are very welcome, Sam“ he said and reached out with one too long and too thin arm. “Ready to return to reality?”</p><p>Sam hesitated only for a moment, but then he nodded and took Castiel’s hand.<br/>
Because his figure seemed so diffuse and unclear, Sam was surprised to find Castiel’s hand warm and steady in his. But there wasn’t much time to wonder about it.<br/>
Only seconds after Castiel’s hand closed around his, he found himself in his motel room. He was sitting on the bed with his back straight and his hands on his thighs.<br/>
Castiel had sat him down.<br/>
In front of him on the ground lay the now abandoned body of Jimmy Novak, which was falling apart quicker with every second. In a few minutes there would be nothing left but dust.<br/>
Sam took a few deep breaths before he dared to move. But his body followed his commands immediately.</p><p>„Cass? Are you… still there?“ Sam asked into the quiet room. He felt stupid doing so.<br/>
„I am.“ The answer followed within a second. It felt like Castiel was talking directly next to his ear. Without a conscious thought Sam turned his head. Obviously he found nothing but air.<br/>
„I don’t want to impose“ Castiel clarified.<br/>
„You didn’t. And you don’t have to hide either. I promise you that I won’t have another panic attack.” Sam said and sounded more lighthearted than he felt. But he felt positive that he told the truth</p><p>The situation was as it was. Castiel was in need of a vessel and Sam was willing to share his body for a while. And Castiel shouldn’t have to hide in the meantime or rely on the limited senses of a human.<br/>
A small part of Sam was curious how an angel saw the world. If it was even for him possible to share Castiels perception.<br/>
He had no idea how it could work that an angel and a human could share a body more or less equally. But Castiel was sure it would work out.<br/>
There was no verbal answer but Castiel reacted only moments after Sam finished speaking. Warmth spread out through his whole body. It started in his sternum and spread through his arms and legs and into his head. The colors around him were brighter than before and then it seemed like they shifted a little as the spectrum visible to him grew.<br/>
The surfaces that looked solid seconds ago appeared more translucend now. He knew if he wanted to Castiel could perceive the individual atoms.<br/>
„Wow, that is… strange“ Sam commented. He still felt like he was way out of his comfort zone. Hastily he added, “But I’ll get used to it. Thank you for letting me be in control. I'm sure it's not easy.”<br/>
„It’s your body. I will just be your co-pilot for a while and I’ll take control only in case of an emergency“ Castiel said calmly. “I have to thank you, Sam. For your trust. I won’t disappoint you.”<br/>
“You never have” Sam answered truthfully and with a smile on his face.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>